I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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