Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
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I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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