Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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