I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This girl is more easily done than said...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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