the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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