Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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