Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize