In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
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I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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