Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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