I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize