dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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