I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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