i would punch a child for taco bell
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
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and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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