I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pants are for mortals
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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