I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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