I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize