Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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