It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
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I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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