Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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