I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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