omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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