I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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