when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
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No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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