My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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