GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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