I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
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You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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