just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize