the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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