i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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