OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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