the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So apparently I’m into choking now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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