his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize