This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
try to milk me bitch
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