I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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