I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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