The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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