just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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