It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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