I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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