I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
bring money and cleavage
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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