he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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