drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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