I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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