i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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