well I can't set my house on fire every night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
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Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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