I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize