my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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