he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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