For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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