Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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